'On top of Russia already targeting civilian targets, I see the Ukraine War has sunk to new levels of depravity,’ said Janno. ‘RasPutin is now utilising the Wagner Group as mercenaries, a group made up of criminals including murderers, released from prison to fight.’

'So just like a Wagnerian Opera,’ replied Johno, ‘it unfortunately seems like this war is going to last for a very long time. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, the Wagner mercenaries are now shooting their own soldiers in public displays to their own troops, as a warning against any form of dissent. They also boast of torturing captives and deserters with sledge hammers, which has now become their sickening symbol.’

Read More

Johno was busying himself with his usual post-Christmas conundrum, to whom could he ‘re-purpose’ to, the useless presents he had received from his parents and siblings?

He had decided that this was absolutely the last year he would give and receive presents. ‘I believe in presence and not presents,’ he had announced during the family gathering, after a few too many Christmas drinks.

He was contemplating who he could give the God-awful cheese board to, when Janno interrupted his train of thought.

'After having watched the Harry and Megan documentary, Johno, I think we should now call ourselves J and J. What do you think A?’

Read More

Janno, Johno and Alphy were seated in front of the TV, awaiting the start of the Australia v France World Cup game. All were wearing their green and gold scarves. ‘Thank goodness the Guardians on AC can’t see me wearing football paraphernalia,’ Alphy thought. Back on AC sport was considered an activity practised by very primitive civilisations. However, Alphy, much to his surprise, had come to appreciate and enjoy Sap sports, (something he wouldn’t dare report back to AC). In particular, he had learnt to appreciate the team sports of football of Cricket and football (both Soccer and Aussie Rules,) which all had a large following in Melbourne in particular.

'I feel a little guilty watching this,’ said Janno, ‘knowing thousands of migrant workers have died or been injured as a result of building these World Cup facilities. Are we any better than the Ancient Romans and their Games? Entertainment on the back of human misery.’

'Compounding that, we have also monetised sport on a massive scale world-wide’, said Johno. ‘A modern-day Circus Maximus.’

Read More

'The decline of democracy continues apace in America,’ said Johno. ‘Despite the fact that more than fifty lawsuits by Trump that claimed the last Presidential election was fraudulent were all dismissed, can you bloody believe it, 63% of Republican Party voters still believe it to be a fact. Sadly, we live in an age where facts no longer matter. Vast swathes of people live in a delusional alternative reality, whereby if you believe it to be true, then it is. Even though we live in an an age of unprecedented access to information, as Martin Luther King, Jr said, Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

'Now Trump is poised to contest the next Presidential election, despite having been shown to have invoked insurrection, after losing the last election. So if the MAGAlomaniacs take over again, then democracy in America will be seriously threatened. Appropriately the Statue of Liberty has its back turned to Trump Tower. Liberty, Equality and Fraternity, is careering to Oppression, Inequality, and Xenophobia.’

Read More

’Well,’ said Johno, ‘that must have been the longest suicide note in the history of politics.’ Janno and Alphy looked confused. ‘Liz Truss’s mini-budget,’ said Johno, grinning.

‘Alas, another female PM bites the dust,’ said Janno.

’Well this time it wasn’t a case of misogyny, more like miss oddity,’ replied Johno. ‘It was quite an achievement for an avowed libertarian Conservative to panic financial markets, cause the Bank of England to intervene, and alienate not only most of the country but most of her own party, resulting in a Truss deficit lower than the Mariana Trench, eventuating in her forced resignation, after just 44 days in office.’

Read More

The conversation drifted as it often does in Melbourne to football, where the predominant code was not Rugby or Soccer but the sport unique to Australia, Aussie Rules, (administered by the Australian Football League—the AFL). The support for the game was enormous, especially in the southern and western states of Australia. The main stadium, where finals were normally played (Covid permitting), was ironically known as the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). Given its reverential status, it was commonly just referred to as the G. With many games played at the G, often attracting crowds exceeding 90,000 attendees.

Alphy noted that most Aussie Saps were passionate about sport, football, and cricket in particular. He observed that for many it was their ‘religion’, with the attendances for weekly football games far exceeding attendances at church’s. Alphy also observed the following for each club was quite tribal in nature. The Collingwood ‘tribe’ seemed to be universally disliked by all the others. Johno, with a grin, told Alphy that he would have no problem recognising them, as many were toothless.

Read More

Alphy had watched the week’s events with amazement and anguish. A previous observer from AC had witnessed the funeral ceremony for Queen Victoria. Alphy had read the report and was incredulous that in one hundred and twenty-one years, despite easy access to the internet and unlimited information sources, the power of mythological monarchy to influence vast numbers, still remained.

The Saps, whilst often considering themselves intelligent, regularly demonstrated they were still a very primitive life-form, especially when considering social and political sophistication, or lack thereof.

The concept of hereditary monarchy still being accepted in a country that thought of themselves as advanced, was ludicrous enough. But the fact that Australia, had a Head of State that was not Australian and resided in a country on the other side of the planet, Alphy thought it was, to put it in Johno-speak, ‘truly fucking bizarre.’

Read More

'Can you believe this saga?’ said Janno, ‘News Corp co-chairman Lachlan Murdoch filing defamation proceedings against Crikey over an article that he says connected him to the 2021 US Capitol riots.

'I love Malcom Turnbull’s commentary’ she continued, ‘“Lachlan Murdoch owns boats that are worth more than Crikey,” he said in a comment he added along with his donation to the publication’s fundraiser for its legal bills.’

Read More

‘Isn’t it bloody embarrassing that here we are in the 21st Century, and we have a Head of State who’s not an Australian, not elected, and in fact is a product of hereditary monarchy! As a consequence, we have a constitution based around a Governor-General, again not elected but selected, who is the Queen’s representative,’ said Johno.

'Now it transpires we’ve had a Prime Minister, who apparently thought it was his Divine Right to get said GG to appoint him to numerous Ministries, without informing the public, parliament and most of the incumbents,’ he continued. ‘Unfortunately for our erstwhile First Amongst Equals, this has prompted overwhelming condemnation, including his colleagues on the not so Divine Right, who were oblivious of his actions.’

Read More

'As we all feared, it looks like Trump is going to run for President again’, said Johno, ‘still claiming the last election was stolen from him, and his supporters still fervently believing it!

'Around the world, but particularly in the US there appears to be a mass break-out of a new strain of PTSD, Post Truth Societal Disorder, where consistent lying by leaders, who are often Sociopaths, is not seen as problematic and if the facts don’t match your subjective reality, call it fake news. There is an alternative fact-free reality for those suffering from this PTSD, if you believe it to be true, then it is.’

Read More

'Oh my god, isn’t it awful!’ Exclaimed Janno. ‘I’ve just been reading how Ukrainians civilians are being tortured and beaten up by Russian forces. I still can’t believe that here we are in 2022 and this is happening in Europe. You just feel so angry and helpless.’

Alphy felt a wave of revulsion come over him at the thought. Yet again, the barbarity of the Saps shocked him. He would need to check with the Guardians back on AC, but as far as he was aware, the Saps were the only life-form known to deliberately torture their own species.

Read More

'Did you hear that the composer of the James Bond theme, Monty Norman, has just died. I’ve loved those movies over the years,’ said Johno.

'Yes the scantily clad Bond women did a great job advancing a positive role model for females,’ said Janno sarcastically.

'The zenith undoubtedly being Pussy Galore in Goldfinger,’ quipped Johno teasingly. ‘You’ve got to admit though Janno, they’ve been popular the world over. However, I bet there is one Bond title that resonates with the Ukrainians, "From Russia With Love!"'

'Now that’s what I call a real bloody hero figure, Volodymyr Zelenskyy,' said Johno. 'Cool, calm and collected in the face of brutal aggression. How uplifting to see a leader of a country who actually is a leader. How ironic that many supposed leaders end up being a clown, and the real life comic ends up being an inspirational leader.

Read More

’Well,’ said Johnno, ‘another Leader with the narcissism and incompetent liar combo is forced to leave against their will. Boris is the reluctant recipient of Tory transition therapy, PM to MP reassignment. As Keir Starmer so eloquently put it, “the sinking ship is deserting the rat.”’

Read More

The Saps, much to the amusement of Alphy, considered themselves to be of superior intelligence, but many, much to his bewilderment, still believed in Hereditary Royalty. In particular, he was amazed that societies that considered themselves advanced democracies had constitutional power, (and taxpayers money), invested in Royal households that were not based on meritocracy but purely on inherited familial connection. Their total qualifications to be Monarch was to be born to the previous Monarch; who in turn had qualified to be Monarch because…

What was even more preposterous, was that Australia could have a Head of State who was not even Australian.

This primitive form of governance resulted in a long line of intergenerational decadence and sordid behaviour, culminating in the current saga of Randy Andy.

Back on AC, they had long since characterised societies based on Royalty, as inherently incorporating DNAstic degeneration.

Read More

Johnno and Janno were still exalting the recent ‘Independent’s Day.’ With ten seats won by Independents, all but one being women. Janno kept playing the Eurythmics “Sisters are doin’ it for themselves” in celebration. The six so-called Teal seats being taken from previously rock-solid Liberal seats. The end result being, Labour after nine years in opposition returned as the government, with a one seat majority.

In contrast to the Teals and Greens who recruited record numbers of community volunteers and employed mega door-knocking, Clive and the UAP, demonstrated their Freedom, Freedom, Freedom to spend over $70 million painting the Murdoch media Yellow and Black, and win no seats. Proving money talks, and in this case it just said, ‘Au Revoir.’

Read More

'We’ve become even closer to becoming a Chinese take-away,’ exclaimed Johnno. ‘SCOMO and his Foreign Affairs Ministers displaying the Wisdom of Solomon - not!’

'In the past decade, not only have we not built any new submarines, we cancelled at a price tag of $5billion, a contract with France, after an inordinate amount of time, deciding on it. To be replaced by new submarines from AUKUS, yet to be selected, and the earliest delivery being 2050.’

'Our defence capability is now so stuffed, we might as well put signs in Chinese along the north coast of Australia saying, “Wrong way—go back”.’

Read More

'Did you enjoy your break?’ Enquired Johnno of Alphy. He gave a fake smile, resisting the internal urge to instead start crying. Alphy had in fact ignored the implicit instructions of the Guardians back on AC, and had deliberately gone into a war zone. Travelling via std (space-time discontinuum) portals, he had transported himself in a matter of minutes from Melbourne to Ukraine.

Read More

Janno was crying. Watching the most harrowing of scenes from Ukraine, the forced separation of husbands and fathers, from their families. In the knowledge that the decision of just one man, would eventuate in enormous numbers of widows and orphans.

'The Putin regime is an Orwellian Obscenity,’ said Johnno.

Read More

Johnno was shaking his head. ‘I couldn’t believe it. Our agency had been asked to pitch for a new Liberal campaign to re-position the image of our illustrious Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, erstwhile man of the people, so call me SCOMO. As I said to our CEO “you can’t polish a turd”’.

Read More

Alphy was on his way to Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula with Johno and Janno. Johno’s parents had a beach house down there, and they were going there to ‘escape’ for a few days.

As they sped along the freeway, Alphy contemplated how much the Saps recklessly expended on motor vehicle travel. Not only were the cars running on fossil fuels (emitting noxious gases), that had to be driven by a Sap, (hence the horrendous road toll each year), but the entire planet was criss-crossed with roads and freeways at incredible expense to economies, and permanently scarring the environments they traversed.

Read More