Imperium

Alphy had watched the week’s events with amazement and anguish. A previous observer from AC had witnessed the funeral ceremony for Queen Victoria. Alphy had read the report and was incredulous that in one hundred and twenty-one years, despite easy access to the internet and unlimited information sources, the power of mythological monarchy to influence vast numbers, still remained.

The Saps, whilst often considering themselves intelligent, regularly demonstrated they were still a very primitive life-form, especially when considering social and political sophistication, or lack thereof.

The concept of hereditary monarchy still being accepted in a country that thought of themselves as advanced, was ludicrous enough. But the fact that Australia, had a Head of State that was not Australian and resided in a country on the other side of the planet, Alphy thought it was, to put it in Johno-speak, ‘truly fucking bizarre.’

Janno said, ‘I know she has done an outstanding job given the nature of the job role they have contrived. But the money and huge resources that the whole drawn-out process and system has consumed, they could have devoted instead to their health-care system, which by all accounts is delivering totally inadequate outcomes for many. They could have funded multiple QE2 hospitals. Instead, the Common Wealth was splurged on grandiose grieving.’

'It’s an insidious symbiotic relationship, Mass Media and Mythological Monarchy, delivering everlasting entertainment,’ said Johno.

'Plus the fact that the Royals, in addition to their personal wealth, reside in, and have access to, multiple palaces and estates provided to them by the Government. Even now, just 1 per cent of people own half the land in Britain, most of whom are aristocrats and were given their land by the Queen's ancestors. The estate she died in, at Balmoral, encompasses 50,000 acres, and the new King inherits massive land titles without paying the inheritance tax most others would face,' continued Johno.

'So we now have a new Head of State, who did not have to interview for the job, there were no other candidates to consider, and inherits vast wealth tax-free; whilst we Plebs are expected to survive in a world based on meritocracy. To make it even worse, some even believe the succession is a Divine Right,' said Johno, rolling his eyes.

For a brief moment Alphy toyed with the idea of revealing his true identity, and offering to become Australia’s Head of State, (and Intergalactic Imperium). Yes, he was an ‘Alien’, but comparatively speaking, probably less so than the current inhabitants. (He would, of course, continue to keep his human construct, in his new role). Unlike the existing Royal Household, he would not be a burden on taxpayers, as he had already hacked with ease cryptocurrencies, and hence could self-fund the position. There would be no problem with succession, as Centaurians through their advanced medical knowledge, lived for thousands of earth years, thereby also avoiding all the problems associated with generations of in-breeding. Furthermore, as Centaurians were naturally gender-fluid, Alphy could take it in turns to be cis-gen or trans-gen, thereby being truly representative of the people. In addition, Centaurians were also able to change their skin colour at will, so he/she could also become the first coloured Head of State as well. He imagined what the News Corp headline would be, when it was announced that the Head of State was intending to morph to a coloured transgender personality: ’Black and Trans – WOKE up Australia!’

Alphy knew that one of the key elements that helped the ‘Firm’ to retain their position and influence, was their ability to confer honours. Resulting in an orgy of obsequiousness, in pursuit of knighthoods and other antiquated accolades.

Alphy smiled, thinking how deflated the British Sirs and Dames would be when he introduced and awarded ‘Master or Mistress of the Cosmos’ awards to Aussie recipients.

'What are you smiling at?’ enquired Johno of Alphy. ‘Oh, I was just musing on the possibilities of where this might all evolve to.’

'Speaking of Imperial Inclinations, I see the wannabe Tsar is again threatening to use nuclear weapons,’ continued Johno.

'He’s truly a man of Fission,’ said Alphy sarcastically.

'So in true Russian fashion, the results of the forthcoming referendum have already been determined,’ replied Johno. ‘RasPutin will announce the occupied lands are now annexed and part of Russia, and hence he can deploy nuclear weapons in their defence. Let’s hope that before he contemplates letting that nuclear genie out of the bottle, he ponders the words of Dexter Gordon, in nuclear war all men are cremated equal. ’

Robert StygallSeptember 25, 2022