Foot and Mouth -Russian Style!

'Oh my god, isn’t it awful!’ Exclaimed Janno. ‘I’ve just been reading how Ukrainians civilians are being tortured and beaten up by Russian forces. I still can’t believe that here we are in 2022 and this is happening in Europe. You just feel so angry and helpless.’

Alphy felt a wave of revulsion come over him at the thought. Yet again, the barbarity of the Saps shocked him. He would need to check with the Guardians back on AC, but as far as he was aware, the Saps were the only life-form known to deliberately torture their own species.

'Deep down,’ said Janno. ‘I can’t believe most Russians want this war. And once again it's the innocents, the children, mothers, and wives who've had their had lives devastated.’

'Reminds me of a great scene from that classic Mash TV series,’ said Johno.
'Hawkeye said: “War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.”
Father Mulcahy replied: “How do you figure that, Hawkeye?”
Hawkeye responded: “Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?”
Father Mulcahy then answered: “Sinners, I believe.”
Hawkeye finished by saying: “Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them … almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.”’

'What makes this tragedy even worse’ said Alphy, ‘it appears to be driven by the obsession of just one person intent on establishing himself as a nouveau Tsar.’

Johno nodded,‘since Darth InVader originally launched Tsar wars in Shakespearean fashion - Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war- the CIA has estimated Russian casualties at 15,000 killed and perhaps 45,000 wounded. Unfortunately, Ukraine has also endured significant casualties.

’Sadly,' he continue, 'we have been under the illusion that Democracy was the natural evolution of the world. Now we find the reality is that it is under threat and the stark realisation that we have to fight to retain it,’ continued Johno. ‘Even worse, a Democracy that we thought was rock solid, that being America, is now teetering on the edge, with Trump and cronies waiting in the wings, in order to topple it into autocracy.’

'The latest Senate hearings into the Capitol riots on January 6th revealed Trump watched them on television for over three hours!’ Exclaimed Janno. ‘They reported - President Trump did not fail to act…he chose not to act. He was like a latter-day Nero.’

‘And both are renowned for their fiddling,’ quipped Johno.

’Yes, and another clear and present danger we now have to worry about, is foot and mouth disease coming to Australia,’ said Alphy,

'Ironically,’ said Johno, ‘it was Barnaby Joyce who slammed the Government’s handling of foot and mouth. Given his previous track record, he should officially be made the shadow Opposition Minister on Foot in Mouth.’

Alphy couldn’t help himself. ‘At least we have very sophisticated disease prevention technologies available to us,’ he said with a smile.

'Yeah, shoe dips for people returning from Indonesia,’ said Johno with raised eyes. ‘Our sole protection is sole disinfection.’

‘It’s not just viruses we need protection from,’ said Janno and proceeded to read the findings from IBAC investigation. ‘The report, released by Victoria's anti-corruption watchdog on Wednesday, uncovered "egregious" and "extensive misconduct" by Victorian Labor MPs, including rampant nepotism, widespread misuse of public resources and a culture of branch stacking dating back decades.’

'Wow’ said Alphy, ‘looks like a few people could be going to jail.’

Johno smiled sardonically. ’Well, weren’t we all shocked to find that out, who would have thought? No Alphy apparently they will not be charged, as their actions were considered unethical and immoral, but not illegal.'

Janno said, ‘This is what Teflon Dan said in response, “I take full responsibility for all of that conduct. That’s what the top job is all about, and I apologise for it.”’

'So is he or those responsible resigning?’ asked Alphy, knowing full well the answer. ‘That’s about as likely as RasPutin winning the Nobel Peace Prize,’ replied Johno, shaking his head sadly.

Alphy had noticed a consistent trait with the Saps politicians and leaders. ‘I’ve observed that the level of unethical or corrupt behaviour is proportional to the time in office,’ he said.

'Spot on,’ said Johno, 'As Mark Twain noted, “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason”’.

'Weren’t those pictures from the new James Webb Telescope amazing,’ said Janno changing the subject. ‘Already they’ve discovered ten more galaxies, like our Milky Way, that they didn’t know existed before.’

'Makes you think there must be other intelligent life-forms out there,’ said Johno.

Alphy smiled at the use of ‘other’ by Johno, paused and then replied, ‘Intelligent beings, yes wouldn’t that be novel.’

Robert StygallJuly 30, 2022