Melanoma Madness

Alphy was on his way to Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula with Johno and Janno. Johno’s parents had a beach house down there, and they were going there to ‘escape’ for a few days.

As they sped along the freeway, Alphy contemplated how much the Saps recklessly expended on motor vehicle travel. Not only were the cars running on fossil fuels (emitting noxious gases), that had to be driven by a Sap, (hence the horrendous road toll each year), but the entire planet was criss-crossed with roads and freeways at incredible expense to economies, and permanently scarring the environments they traversed.

Back on AC (Alpha Centauri) Aerial Transit Modes (ATM’s) were concentrated in defined corridors. In order to minimise any visual pollution from their overhead movement, and also to mitigate any damage in the extremely unlikely event that one of their SUV’s (Skybound Utilitarian Vehicles) crashed.

Sorrento was an extremely popular destination during Summer, being a relatively short drive of one and a half hours from Melbourne.

Whilst taking on some commercialisation it still retained an attractive village like vibe, and retained grand old-style limestone pubs, dating back 150 years.

Being on a peninsula, it provided the choice of easy proximity to beautiful ocean beaches and associated surfing, plus safer bay beaches, which added to its popularity.

Johno had come to Sorrento often as a child with his parents and had fond memories of those times.

Unfortunately, for Johno, some things had changed for the worse. The building of a freeway down to the Mornington Peninsula had made it very accessible. Too accessible, many lamented. ‘The place is now full of CUB’s’ said Johno. ‘Cashed up Bogans, hooning around on their ski-jets and SUV’s or four-wheel drives, with their brand emblazoned gaudy clothing, replete with gold chains and ostentatious jewellery.’

Janno said, ‘Oh yes but what about the other CUB’s.’ Johno looked quizzically at her. ‘Cashed up Boomers. With their second home by the beach, who seem to think they are entitled to have the place exclusively to themselves.’

Johno had to reluctantly admit to himself, this was a fair description of his parents and their cohorts, but quickly changed the subject. ‘Let’s go for a walk along the beach and then grab a counter lunch.’

As they walked the path adjacent to the beach, Alphy looked incredulously at the hordes of people sun bathing on the beach. It’s not as if they didn’t have the information, thought Alphy, all the weather apps were showing the UV danger as extreme. ‘Melanoma Madness’ said Alphy to Janno, who nodded furiously in agreement from below her stylish sun-hat. ‘Many are obsessed with getting a cool looking tan,’ she opined. Alphy thought this rather amusing given that many Saps made racist comments about those with darker skin tones, but saw no irony in trying to achieve a darker skin colour themselves, by tanning.

Back on AC Centaurian skin colour was entirely under their physiological control, and was subject to the vagaries of fashion at the time. Cosmic Chartreuse was currently all the rage.

Also, on AC they had an invisible shield protecting the environment both from extreme weather but also dangerous UV radiation. Whereas the peak of sophisticated UV control for the Saps was sunblock, pathetic thought Alphy.

They ordered their counter lunches. Johno of course had fish and chips and Alphy and Janno went the vegan lentil burger option. The beers and wine were flowing freely.

One of the surprises for Alphy since taking on Sap form was the experience of alcohol. Back on AC, there was a cocktail of stimulants to select from, but they were all synthetically manufactured. Much to his surprise, he had learnt to appreciate the nuances and subtleties of ‘natural’ wine, plus the added pleasant sensation of alcohol. He however, had to be very careful not to say something strange or revealing after a few drinks. On one occasion, at a Karaoke evening with Johno and Janno, he couldn’t help himself and after a few too many, introduced himself as a Cosmic Missionary and started singing ‘David Bowie’s Starman.’ Luckily for Alphy, the audience thought this was a drunken doppelgänger, not a revelation.

'Well’ said Johno, ‘on the plus side another week and Ukraine and Taiwan haven’t been invaded, and Ash Barty has won the Australian Open.’ ‘Unfortunately the event was diminished by Narcissus Nick claiming the large crowd was there to see his doubles final’ said Janno. ‘Yes’ said Johno, ‘After Omicron, the second Greek tragedy for the year.’

'Speaking of narcissus, Trump is gearing up to run for President again. One of the shocking revelations of the year just gone is how many Americans are still prepared to vote for a proven pathological liar, purveyor of untruths, who is ruthlessly vindictive, and who covertly, and not so covertly, incites violence and insurrection. As Boris is also demonstrating, it is the end of shame and integrity in public life – and unbelievably a large percentage of the population just don’t give a fuck.

As Churchill said, ‘Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others’ – unfortunately in the US we may now have enough people willing to embrace the other. We all love to knock the US, but if it becomes a failed democracy, we will all suffer the dire consequences.’

'And to cap it all off, we now have the run-up to the election where we have to endure Scott (man of the people so call me Scomo) Morrison endeavouring to become a Master Magician trying to induce mass amnesia, hoping come Election Day, we will all forget (and forgive) the never-ending series of Covid cock-ups.’

'Well here’s to 2022’ said Janno raising a glass and desperately trying to change the mood. Johno and Alphy clinked their glasses. ‘Sláinte’ said Johno. ‘Here’s to the Saps,’ said Alphy unwittingly with a wry grin, much to the bemusement of Johnno and Janno.