Who gives a RAT’s

'You have got to be bloody kidding’ exclaimed Johno to no-one in particular. ‘NoVax Jokervitch has been deported from Australia.’ ‘But I thought you were supporting the cancellation of his Visa,’ replied Alphy. ‘I did - but what we should have done is waited until he reached the finals, then deported him,’ said Johno with a wry grin.

'What is truly terrible’ said Janno ‘is that in the same hotel he was detained in, we have refugees who after many years are still in detention. For example Mehdi Ali who arrived on a boat aged 15 and is still in detention at the age of 24, even though he had been judged to be a formal refugee. We complain about lock-downs, imagine ongoing detention with no definitive date for release, how that would crush your being.’

Alphy shook his head in dismay as well. The Aussie Saps had a relatively, (relative to other primitive species,) sophisticated judicial system. No Australian citizen could be incarcerated for lengthy periods of time without being convicted of an offence, but hapless refugees could be held indefinitely, with no right to having their cases reviewed and concluded.’

Alphy had observed that many Saps adhered to ‘interesting’ religious beliefs. Prime Minister Scott (man of the people so call me Scomo) Morrison was an Evangelical Christian, (in his case a not so ‘happy-clapper’). Alphy wondered how Scomo could reconcile his Christian beliefs with such inhumane treatment of refugees. Johno had often remarked that Scomo consistently compromised policies and beliefs for political advantage. Alphy had observed this as a particularly egregious trait of the Saps.

'Then there’s the case of rapid antigen testing (RAT), yet again Scomo has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with his de-facto policy of ‘Who give’s a RAT’s’. We watch the UK and US freely issue RAT’s months ago, but we don’t just close the door after the horse has bolted, oh no - we wait until the Omicron horse has bolted and vacated the stable for a few months.’

'So we all went off merrily to New Year Parties and major sporting events, super-spreading as we went, subsequently being furloughed off with suspected or actual Covid (compounded by not having adequate facilities to test), and as a consequence, surprise surprise, resulting in serious impacts to health services and supply chains, including the distribution of food.’

Alphy couldn’t help himself, ‘makes you wonder how intelligent we (he was very careful to use the term we), humans actually are?’

'If an Alien landed on Earth and observed all this, you wonder if they would conclude mass Euthanasia would be the kindest solution,’ said Johno with a grimace. Alphy decided he had better not report this conversation back to AC.

'Still there are some bright events to light up the New New Year,’ said Johno.

'Australia has just humiliated England in the Ashes, winning the series 4-0. Test Cricket, a highly sophisticated and physically challenging event comprising five tests each of nominally five days, now that is one of the crowning achievements of human civilisation,’ said Johno seriously. Alphy thought he had better not report that back to AC either.

'Finally Boris. Having put the country into lock-down and curtailing indoor gatherings, organises a mega piss-up at Downing Street, exquisitely timed, the night before the Queen was going to attend a funeral for her husband, and tries to explain it away as ‘I just thought it was a work function’. He has just pulled the pin out of the grenade, and thrown the pin away,’ said Johno with a smirk on his face.