Eat, Drink and be Merry…
Alphy observed that the Saps were often quite sentimental about certain rituals. In Australia, one of these being Christmas. Despite the fact that Australia was a secular society and those stating that they were practicing Christians was relatively low; it was clearly still one of the major celebrations of the year.
Alphy was bemused by some of the Saps seasonal rituals. For example, given the ever-increasing awareness of paedophilia Alphy thought it strange that Sap parents would encourage their children to sit on the knees of men unknown to them, dressed strangely in loose fitting red robes and false white beards, and be asked if they had been good little boys or girls. All the time chortling ‘ho-ho-ho.’
Sexual misdemeanours seemed to be an unfortunate constant with the Saps, Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial being the current tawdry tale. So Alphy thought it was just a matter of time before Santa Claus accusations would come to light and the hashtag #OnHisKneeToo would go viral.
Johno and Janno were talking about what to have for Christmas dinner. Janno was arguing for vegan options, but Johno was insistent that there still had to be the traditional Turkey. Alphy was quietly repulsed at the thought of any life form being the centre-piece of the Saps carnivorous Christmas celebrations. He thought to himself, little did the Saps realise that if it wasn’t for a fortuitous meteor strike millions of years ago, then it would have been highly evolved ravenous reptiles sitting around the table, ready to carve a Sap for a celebratory dinner.
Janno was putting the finishing touches to their Christmas tree decorations. She had of course, purchased a carbon-neutral real tree lit by solar-powered lights, which unfortunately went out shortly after sunset, somewhat diminishing the festive vibe.
Covid lockdowns had made it a tough year, especially in Melbourne, which had endured one of the longest durations of lockdowns of any city in the world. Would Omicron be the last Greek tragedy? Alphy sensed that Christmas would be a time of intense reflection and celebration.
With a Federal election to take place in the first half of 2022, politicians had already moved prematurely into campaign mode. Prime Minister Scott (I’m a man of the people, so call me Scomo) Morrison was combatting a serious trust deficit.
Amongst his highlights for the year was:
- the Vaccine ‘stroll out’,
- repeatedly responding belatedly to revelations of parliamentary misconduct, including female sexual harassment and assault,
- Electoral corruption, euphemistically referred to as pork barrelling (an insult to pigs thought Alphy), and
- being called a liar by both the French Prime Minister Macron and the previous Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.
Janno summed it up by quoting Walter Anderson ‘Trust is like a vase, once it’s broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be the same again.’
Johno responded, ‘Bloody Scomo’s trust rating would be lower now than a world champion limbo dancer.’
Alphy was preparing his end of (Earth) year report back to Alpha Centauri (AC). Despite all their many foibles, he had surprisingly developed a fondness for the Saps. As a consequence, he had to temper his report to avoid the Guardians back on AC categorising the Saps as ‘Civilisation not worth intervention or saving.’
Alphy had asked Janno and Johno their thoughts on the year. They both agreed that Covid had changed their outlook on life. It had made them learn to appreciate and take pleasure in the simple things of life. Janno reflected on how mentally challenging ’lock-downs’ had been. ‘Makes you realise how terrible life must be in Australian offshore detention camps, enduring ongoing ‘lock-downs’ with no definitive end date or little prospect of a return to normality.’
'When it comes to equality, the events of the year have shown again, how far behind we (women) still are, and how embedded misogynist behaviour still is.’ Alphy felt that a major factor in this was the fact that Saps were primarily Binary in their sexuality. Therefore, males had no direct experience of the feminine psyche. In contrast back on AC, gender fluidity throughout your life was the norm for every-one, depending on their mood and predilection at the time.
'The same for people of colour’ said Janno, ‘as evidenced by the need for the Black Life’s Matter movement.’ Again Alphy reflected how back on AC, people could literally change their physical appearance at will, choosing their ‘skin’ colour based on personal preferences or the fashion of the day. Pink was definitely ‘so yesterday’ and now ‘mystic magenta’ was back in vogue.
Johno’s response was even darker. ‘Democracy is going backwards, due to disillusionment with political and ruling classes or outright authoritarianism. Xi Jinping is getting ready to have Taiwan as the next Chinese take-away, likewise Putin with Ukraine.’
War was unfortunately the ever-present blight on Sap civilisation.
'However, looking on the bright side’ said Johno. ‘We are two up in the Ashes series, summer is here, the beach beckons, and the Christmas season heralds endless drinking and eating. So fuck it, let’s eat, drink and be merry...for tomorrow we die.’
A quintessentially Aussie Sap sentiment, thought Alphy.