Prime Protector

Johnno was shaking his head. ‘I couldn’t believe it. Our agency had been asked to pitch for a new Liberal campaign to re-position the image of our illustrious Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, erstwhile man of the people, so call me SCOMO. As I said to our CEO “you can’t polish a turd”’.

'So what did you end up doing?’ Enquired Alphy.

'Unfortunately, we’ve had to give it a go. This could be a very lucrative assignment for our agency and if the campaign proves to be successful it could put Infinite Possibilities (IP) into the top tier of agencies. Let’s be honest, a concept admittedly in short supply in Canberra, if we can transform the image of SCOMO it would be the marketing miracle of the millennium.’

Janno interjected, ’I think the ethics of what we are proposing are somewhat dubious.’

'That’s for the Australian people to decide’ said Johno with a wry grin.

'So what’s the pitch’ said Alphy.

'So as Samuel Johnson so eloquently put it, “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel”. It is indeed, now, last refuge time. We’ve no chance of correcting the lack of integrity perception, especially as it is being continuously corroborated by his colleagues and contacts. So we will reposition SCOMO as the supreme patriot, the saviour of our nation.’

'Sounds like you want to become the Leni Riefenstahl of our times’ said Janno sarcastically.

Johno smiled appreciatively. ‘So this is what we produced. Picture a map of South East Asia, it increasingly turns red moving outward from China to Taiwan, then southwards towards Australia. Fade to a picture of SCOMO in the conning tower of a submarine, Australian flag waving above, he is wearing battle fatigues and a military helmet, Australian F-35 fighter jets scream over his head, the Kangaroo within the Australian roundel, clearly seen. He stares intently into the camera. “When it comes to your security you can’t trust the other parties. In the face of ongoing aggression, they will succumb. Only I and the Liberal Coalition can guarantee to prevent Australia becoming a Chinese take-away. In recognition of the threat I am creating a new ministry, the Department of Australian Homeland Security, which I will personally head as the Prime Protector".

'So what do you reckon Alphy?’

Alphy was appalled. Unfortunately, he had observed the Saps in recent years in many democratic countries, had elected fatally flawed leaders, often confusing charisma with competence. He hated to admit it, but despite the innate cynicism of Aussie Saps, Patriotic Populism might appeal to some.

Before Alphy could answer, Johno’s phone rang. He left the room to take the call. He came back beaming, ‘that was the CEO, we’ve got the contract - Prime Protector here we come.’

A few minutes later, Janno glanced down at her phone and cried out, ‘Oh no, Prince Andrew has settled out of court with Virginia Giuffre, ensuring the truth of what happened remains opaque.’

'In Tudor times troublesome women were taken to the Tower and beheaded. Now they have become more sophisticated hence emasculating women with their use of money,’ said Johno.

Another example of how primitive the Saps were, thought Alphy. He was amazed that societies that considered themselves advanced democracies, had constitutional power, (and taxpayers money,) invested in Royal households, that were not based on meritocracy, but purely on inherited familial connection.

Back on AC, they had long since, characterised societies based on Royalty, as inherently incorporating DNAstic degeneration.