Pants on fire

'So what do you think of President Macron calling the Australian Prime Minister a liar?' asked Alphy of Johno. ‘Perhaps Scomo should have taken note of what another famous Frenchman, Napoleon once stated, ‘The best way to keep one’s word is not to give it,’ he said with a smirk. ‘His integrity, diplomatically, is now about as low as a nuclear powered submarine in the Mariana Trench.'

Alphy was often aghast at the lack of leadership of Sap politicians, and this was clearly on display in Australia. The whole Climate Change debate was at a level that continued to convince those back on AC (Alpha Centauri) that the sustainable future of the Earth, (sustainable for Saps not dolphins that is), was somewhat dubious.

’Scott (pants on fire) Morrison has performed more back-flips than an Olympic diver, when it comes to consistency of a climate change agenda,’ said Johno. ‘The net zero by 2050 horse has long bolted, but reluctantly ridden through the coal-fired haze by Barnaby (man of the Regional people, hence the hat) Joyce. Meanwhile the rest of the world is discussing 2030 and working to eliminate coal fired emissions and that solar powered train has left the station without us.’

Alphy assumed the fact that Johno working for a marketing agency, it allowed him to speak fluently in metaphors.

To celebrate the lifting of lock-down restrictions they had all gone out for dinner. Alphy had long ago, easily manipulated his DNA to provide him with immunity, as soon as the Covid outbreak had occurred, using the ‘medical’ kit provided to him on leaving AC. He had often felt guilty that he had the knowledge to end the virus world-wide, but he was under a clear directive that they were not to intervene in events on Earth. ‘We are not to act as though we are the Supreme One,’ he was cautioned.

It had taken him seconds to hack the Service Victoria system and produce a fake vax certificate, necessary to gain entry to the recently re-opened Carlton restaurant. The restaurant had previously been totally vegan but given the loss of business during the extensive Covid lock-down the owners had now added ‘organic omnivore options’ onto the menu, to attract back a wider clientele.

Standing in the queue to check in, Janno said she she felt sad that anti-vaxers were being locked out. Johno rolled his eyes. ‘Through their inaction, they are disproportionately taking up ICU beds, so feel sad for those with serious conditions, pushed further back on waiting lists for treatment.’

Alphy and Janno had selected vegan options. Whilst no doubt healthy, Alphy noted his ‘Lentil Burger and Sumptuous Sun-kissed Salad’ was not quite up to the Eclectic, Epicurian, Ecstasy of Master Gourmand recipes back on AC. From the description on the menu, ‘lovingly created from locally sourced organic ingredients...’ he had expected something special but it was far from the Orgasmic experiences of food back home, and was clearly a case of premature expectation.

Johno true to form was carving away at what looked like a Brontosaurus steak, given the size of it. Alphy and Janno had to avert their eyes to avoid the sight of the blood oozing out of it. Which was not surprising given that when asked how rare he wanted his steak, Johno had replied with a wink, ‘just remove it’s horns and wipe it’s ass.’

Alphy was struck by how many people on the way to the restaurant were wearing poppies, to commemorate those who had died in Australian wars. In some ways Alphy thought this was an attractive gesture by the Aussie Saps. On the other hand, perhaps the best way for the Saps every-where to honour those who had died in wars, was to spend considerably more time and effort in developing effective institutions and national/cultural systems of government that eliminated the need for war. Alas the Saps were ‘light-years’ away from reaching that goal.