Lax Vax

Alphy was sitting in the car with Johno and Janno queueing up for a McDonald’s, which in true Aussie style was referred to as Macca’s. ‘You not having one mate’ asked Johnno of Alphy, who was feeling decidedly nauseous. Just the thought of eating food derived from life-forms was something Alphy considered truly barbaric. When he had queried Johnno about the ethics of eating meat he had replied, that as they were far less intelligent animals, it was ok to kill them for food. On that basis, Alphy thought he would be entitled to kill Johnno and Janno for dinner, but ignored the temptation to tell them.

Strangely, they had taken umbrage when he asked if they would consider eating their pet dog. Johno muttered some reference to China in response.

Johnno ordered his McOmnivore meal but Janno, Alphy was pleased to observe, went for the only vegan option, fries, and salad. The other thing with Sap meat options, Alphy observed, was that there really wasn’t a lot of variety of protein categories. Back on AC (Alpha Centauri) there were literally hundreds of different (synthetically developed) protein varieties to choose from. One of the most popular shows on AC was Master Gourmand, whose participants created in the host laboratory totally new food and protein types. The winners each year setting forth a new wave of taste trends and restaurant innovations. Whilst missing many foods from AC, Alphy was well and truly over the endless Kale-tein food options that had been the rage when he had left.

In Australia it hadn’t been a good week, Covid wise. Australia had done an impressive job in suppressing and virtually eliminating Covid cases. This had come at a cost. The state of Victoria had been placed into long lock-downs in the past and was just coming out of the most recent one. Comparisons were often made of how New South Wales and Sydney had avoided lengthy lock-downs, and this grated with many Victorians.

Alphy had noticed very early the rivalry between Sydney and Melbourne. Melbournians considered themselves to be the sporting and cultural centre of Australia; (a fact Alphy had to concede was correct, at least by the Saps definition of culture). In turn, Sydney-siders referred to Melbourne as ‘Bleak City’, due to its unpredictable and at times cold and rainy weather.

Now the tide had turned, ‘gold standard’ Sydney was now suffering a major Covid outbreak. Alphy observed that many Melbournians were currently having their Schadenfreude moment, as other states, such as New South Wales (home of Sydney) were now forced into lockdowns, but not Melbourne and Victoria.

The Federal Government, supposedly responsible for the roll-out (actually a stroll-out), of the vaccine program, were doing their best to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Vaccine levels were at an abysmal level, and suddenly the safety net of no community-based infections was disappearing. The lack of any coherent and effective communication strategy was seen as a major weakness.

Johno and Janno’s marketing agency Infinite Possibilities (IP) had been selected by the Feds to create the new marketing campaign. Janno had tried to get a coherent brief from the relevant Ministers and bureaucrats, but was struggling. ‘They just refuse to give clear goals and objectives.’ One actually winked at me saying ‘If the target can’t be measured it can’t be missed.’

Johno in his usual style had distilled it down to a simple goal, ‘Get the bloody thing in their arms.’ The original concept he had come up with, was, ‘One small prick is all it takes.’ But Janno had pointed out this had already been used in a safe sex campaign.

He had just finished the production of the first mainstream promotion and had shown it to Alphy and Janno. It featured well-known celebrities getting a jab, and giving the thumbs up. The soundtrack was the chorus Vaccine sung to the tune of Dolly Parton’s Jolene and the tag line was ‘Shoot Up for Australia’.

'So what do you reckon? Johnno enquired. ‘It’s the shot in the arm we all need,’ said Alphy, attempting Sap humour.